Lame Lammy - PMQs sketch
The Deputy Prime Minister, David Lammy, stood in for his boss at PMQs today, making Keir Starmer look like a polished performer by way of contrast - no mean feat.
While his performance was deeply tragic, to describe the occasion as Hamlet without the prince would be to seriously over-egg the pudding. It was a thoroughly lacklustre affair throughout, the oxygen sucked out of it by the absence of the two main protagonists and the presence of their utterly inept understudies. I never thought I'd find myself wishing for Starmer and Badenoch to get back to their respective despatch boxes as soon as possible, but such is the state of contemporary Westminster politics.
When Lammy first stood up he was wearing a sharp suit but one with startlingly naked lapels. He mentioned Remembrance Sunday in his opening remarks and yet where was his poppy? Later in the proceedings, during Daisy Cooper's two questions on behalf of the Lib Dems' also absent leader I think, Lammy was suddenly sporting a diminutive red enamel pin with an even smaller white one, presumably handed to him by a panicked PPS. The Chamber cameras didn't reveal the Identity of the rescuer but it is hard to imagine what might have been be most likely to rouse the ire of the opposition benches, no poppy at all or a Peace Pledge one.
Not that the efforts of Kemi Badenough's chosen deputy, David Cartlidge, were any better. While Starmer is representing the UK at COP30 in Brazil Lammy went in to bat for the government. The opposition fielded their Shadow Security Secretary (not so much a shadow as a faint outline) who, after today's fiasco, will probably never be heard of again. His gambit was to keep repeating the same question about whether there had been any further mistaken releases from custody such as that of Hadush Kebatu, the Epping migrant sex offender. From this it was apparent to everyone - except Lammy apparently - that Cartlidge was in possession of further embarrassing information with which he was hoping to lure Lammy into a trap. Instead of challenging Cartlidge to get to the point Lammy got pointy himself, shouting angrily and blustering in a most unedifying manner.
This should have been a gift for Cartlidge but, unfortunately for him, he had been too clever by half and had misjudged the number of questions he had asked, thus losing his chance to deliver the coup-de-grace. After some confusion, the Speaker, having seemingly lost count himself, denied him the opportunity for glory. Cartlidge had fired a blank and sat down in ignominy. One can only relish the prospect of the furious roasting he will receive from his Leader, not known for her patience and forbearance at the best of times, for his bungling incompetence. But, then, the whole session was a depressing saga of futility and fatuity.
They should have taken their November recess a day early and spared us the agony.