Inaugural balls - sketch (or cartoon?)

Donald Trump will be attending a glittering round of black tie society parties in Washington DC tonight having been sworn in as 47th President of the United States of America in the Rotunda of the Capitol building.

The ceremony itself was probably one of the more, if not the most, bizarre and unsettling events I'm ever likely to witness on live TV. In broadcasts of similar state occasions here - State Openings of Parliament, State Funerals, the Coronation of Charles and Camilla (until today a prime contender for the accolade) etc - the Alice in Wonderland quality induces a sort of torpor. It may all be ludicrous but it will go off impeccably, choreographed to the nth degree, and the music will be perfection. It all serves to lull one into complicity but also complacency - what could possibly go wrong?

In the American version we found out precisely what when country music star, Carrie Underwood, came to sing America the Beautiful. After an interminable silence, during which Trump looked on beatifically - presumably lost in his own ego-trip - while everyone else got increasingly twitchy, she was obliged to perform acapella due to a technical glitch with the backing track. Her performance was a masterclass in grace under pressure, unlike her President, whose speech was spectacularly graceless and jarring. Almost as jarring, in fact, as the overblown rendition of the Battle Hymn of the Republic given by the US Naval Academy Glee Club (yes, it's a thing). On this occasion it was perfectly clear where the grapes of wrath were stored.

The whole affair was a weird and awkward mixture of formal ceremonial and showbiz razzmatazz. The impression was heightened, no doubt, by its having been moved indoors at short notice due to the sub-zero temperatures. Had it taken place on the platform outside, purpose-built at great expense for the occasion, it might have worked. As it was, everything felt uncomfortable, claustrophobic, out-of-scale and out-of-joint. 

The First Lady's outfit made her look like a suffragette - luckily, being indoors, there were no horses to throw herself under - and the brim of her hat had apparently been contrived specifically for the purpose of preventing her husband from landing a peck on her cheek. The fact that he tried - and failed - proved how under-rehearsed the whole thing was. Or maybe he just couldn't be bothered to make the effort. Melania held onto the hat throughout the day, obviously finding it a useful cover to protect some residual shred of dignity amidst all the vulgarity.

For their hapless younger son, Barron, however, there was to be no possibility of cover. Only eighteen years old and already six foot seven inches tall, he loomed awkwardly behind his father, looking as if he wished the ground would open up and swallow him. I'm sure he was not alone. His deathly pallor, sombre demeanour and brilliantined black hair only served to accentuate the impression of a misplaced extra in a Dracula movie. In fact the whole Trump tribe looked like the Addams Family comes to Washington, only minus the humanity. 

The assembled cast of oddballs presented their blindingly white dental veneers to the cameras, smiles as false as their teeth. As Dolly Parton observed, it takes a lot of money to look that cheap. While the oligarchs like Elon Musk, who had come to kiss the ring, lurked in the background like éminences grises at a medieval papal conclave, the array of former Presidents, First Ladies and Veeps who had accepted Trump's invitation to be ritually humiliated, sat stoicly as their legacies were comprehensively trashed by their host.

At least ex-President Jimmy Carter had spared himself the indignity by dying the week before. I'm sure many of the others would have traded places with him but they hadn't been so lucky. Carter's demise had also had the unfortunate effect of leaving the capital's stars and stipes flags flying at half mast, emphasising the funereal aspect of the whole occasion. It felt like a wake - quite fitting really on the day American democracy was laid to rest. 

Two other invited guests were conspicuous by their absence, though not due to the grim reaper. Michelle Obama and Karen Pence were notable no-shows. The former doesn't do insincerity and the latter had obviously not forgiven Trump for almost succeeding in inciting a baying mob to lynch her husband on Capitol Hill in 2021. Well, there are limits to how far good manners can be imposed upon, though one wouldn't expect Donald Trump to know or care. 

For his part, he actually made a virtue of his inauguration falling on Martin Luther King Day. The fact that he chose to eulogise a man who, had he been living, he would probably have jailed, shows how utterly without a shred of shame he is. But when you're the world's most powerful man you can manipulate the facts with impunity. History, after all. Is written by the victor. The late Reverend Doctor must be spinning in his grave.

The rest of us can only stand at the graveside and weep.

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