Political sketch - on the campaign trail

Only just into the second full week of a six-week general election campaign and already the campaigning seems to have trickled into the sand.

Maybe this is down to the hiatus before finalising the official candidates' lists while awaiting publication of party manifestos (the excitement never starts) or, more likely, that parties (perhaps with the honourable exception of the Greens) seem bereft of any new policy offers. Those they have managed to cobble together, like the Tories' National Service dog-whistle nonsense, have fallen flat as a fart.

Meanwhile, Sir Ed Davey for the Lib Dems has been gamely falling into water, admittedly in a worthy effort to highlight illegal sewage discharges into our waterways, but such images run the risk of becoming hostages to fortune. Falling over on the beach at Brighton did for Neil Kinnock's chances in 1992 when a clip was featured mercilessly in the opening sequence of the satirical puppet show, 'Spitting Image'. 

Rishi Sunak's rain-drenched election announcement in Downing Street (immediately dubbed Drowning Street) against a background soundtrack of Tony Blair's anthemic 'Things can only get better' (immediately dubbed 'things can only get wetter) will inevitably come back to haunt him. As will being pictured under an exit sign on a factory visit. Politicians always need to be alert to the old pantomime warning: "behind you!".

While Ed Davey set sail in a boat named 'Wild Goose' on his chase for votes, Rishi Sunak appeared in Belfast's Titanic Quarter. One got that sinking feeling. Sunak's 'spontaneous' chat with workers in Wales got off to a sticky start when he enquired if they would be enjoying the football, Wales having just missed out on qualifying for Euro 24 after an agonising penalty defeat to Poland. Awks.

Almost as cringeworthy, in fact, as David Cameron's "brain fade" of 2015 when he confused his supposed football team, Aston Villa, with West Ham. What genuine football supporter does that? Electors may not forgive, or forget, such inauthenticity but Sir Keir Starmer's travails are of a different order. 

His events around the country have been tightly stage-managed to avoid any embarrassing mishaps but he reckoned without his party's determination to shoot itself in the foot. Labour has a track record of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, a trend bucked in modern times only by Tony Blair - who pretty much kiboshed it in 2001 with the Iraq invasion. He went on to be re-elected but had already lost his shine.

Starmer is now reaping the whirlwind of his own misguided attempts to stamp his authority on his party by crassly culling left-wingers. Jeremy Corbyn has decided to stand as an Independent in Islington North, while popular candidate, Faiza Rasheen (Chingford &  Woodford Green - Iain Duncan Smith's seat), and sitting MP, Lloyd Russell-Moyle (Brighton Kemptown), have been barred from standing. 

The fate of veteran MP and campaigner, Diane Abbott, hangs in the balance while the support of former Tory MP, Mark Logan, faces Starmer with another 'friends like these' moment following the controversial defection of rightwing Tory MP, Natalie Elphicke, to Labour. Some endorsements do more harm than good - though the new First Minister of Scotand, John Swinney, has bitten the bullet and welcomed Nicola Sturgeon onto the SNP campaign trail. Just don't mention Banquo's ghost.

Starmer's carefully-crafted image as the 'safe pair of hands' is coming apart at the seams. His inept remarks about Israel's alleged right to cut off water, energy and humanitarian supplies to Gaza after Hamas' 7 October massacre plagued Labour during the local elections in May and lost them shoo-in by-election victories. They may yet disadvantage my own sitting Labour MP, Rushanara Ali, which would be a tragic case of déjà vu after Oona King's defeat by George Galloway in similar circumstances in the same constituency in 2005.

Lessons have clearly not been learned, though so far none of his missteps seem to have dented Starmer's 20-point poll lead over the Tories. But there is still a long way to go in this campaign. Starmer sticks doggedly to his lines but endless references to the "ennay-chess", "laser focus", "hard-working families" and his Uriah Heep-like claims of humility are beginning to grate. We don't necessarily expect politicians to be humble we just want them to be competent.

Much now hinges on the fallout from his botched attempts to assert his authority over his fissiparous party. Luckily for him (or is it?) his Deputy, Angela Rayner, is off the hook after a police investigation into her tax affairs concluded she had no case to answer. She has now stated: "I don’t see any reason why Diane Abbott can’t stand as a Labour MP". Oo-er!

And only another four-and-a-half weeks of this to go.

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