Misery-go-round
At today's meeting between UK Prime Minister, Rishi Sunak, and French President, Emanuel Macron, the entente could hardly have been more cordiale - short of Gallic cheek-kissing, that is.
Thankfully, we were spared that extra layer of carefully choreographed bonhomie but still had to watch excruciatingly prolonged handshakes, and mutual backslapping of the embarrassingly literal variety. The touchy-feeliness of it all amounted to a positive love-in between the two leaders. But let's see how long the bromance lasts when harsh reality kicks in - which it will, and sooner rather than later.
Of course, the announcement by Sunak of a sweetener to the tune of a cool half-billion of your Great British Pounds could only have endeared himself to the French leader. Macron was quick to reciprocate with an offer of matched funding so his amour propre was maintained.
The two brothers-in-arms also agreed to coordinate deployments of aircraft carriers in regions of shared interest. Intriguing that they can't sort out the small boats but can easily deploy huge naval vessels on a whim. I suppose these boys toys are so much sexier than mere inflatable dinghies.
However that may be, talk of opening a new immigration centre in France brought back uncomfortable memories of Sangatte, that notorious Red Cross migrant holding centre in the Pas-de-Calais closed down by David Blunkett, Labour's then Home Secretary, in 2003. Still, I'm sure lessons will have been learned from that...
But, despite all the glad-handing, power-hugging and protestations of undying love and fidelity, it was quite clear from the outset that no way was Macron going to offer to take back any migrants who had managed to cross Le Manche safely to the English side. And why should he? They were Sunak's problem and would remain so.
Not losing sight of the gravity of the situation, French commentators obsessed on Sunak's too-tight suit. It's always good to see the Fourth Estate taking it's responsibilities seriously. No doubt King Charles' state visit to France later this month will be treated with more solemnity. There'll be no hugging on the steps of the Elysee Palace when the two heads of state meet, of that I think we can be sure.
Decorum and protocol will be punctiliously observed and the resetting of the Franco-British relationship, so assiduously cultivated by Charles' great-great-grandfather, Edward VII, will be given the royal seal of approval.
Meanwhile, the huddled masses will continue to place their lives in the hands of unscrupulous people traffickers on the beaches of Northern France and face a hostile reception in the UK - if they survive the crossing.
Vive la realpolitik!